Deep Breath

I remember clear as day when we found out that my dad's first tumor was cancerous. I was at my in-law's for my baby shower. I was pregnant with Thomas (aptly named after my father). My mom called me and told me they had gotten the results back from the biopsy. The tumor was cancerous. I wanted to go home to be with my father. What right did I have to be so far away from my family? But my mom said no-- she didn't want me to come home. She wanted me to stay and have a good time. But how can you really have a good time when you know your father has cancer?

My father never had any major health issues. The biggest thing he had gone through recently was when he had to have surgery on his wrist after falling off a ladder and breaking it. But he never went through anything that even came close to being this scary. It was kind of like having a rug snatched out from under you. You're walking along just fine, then you're on your butt and you don't really know how you got there - and there's no one around to help you get back up.

It's so easy to put out your true feelings in a blog, but there's still the fear that someone will be offended by what they're reading or they'll wonder why I didn't tell THEM that I was feeling this way. I will NOT apologize for the things I post here. I'm not going to dance around the truth for the sake of sparing someone's feelings. That might be wrong, and I recognize that, but I won't do it. I will, however, apologize if I hurt anyone by making them think I don't want to talk to them about the way I feel. I don't talk to ANYONE about the way I feel. It's hard for me, because I know that my other family members have enough to worry about. I don't need to burden them with the things I'm going through too.

Time to take a deep breath and start the day off on a good foot.