What really to expect

It will steal his ability to make decisions for and take care of himself. When you ask the doctor what you should expect, he is not going to tell you the entire truth. Instead, he will dance around it and not really answer your question. He will smile as he looks at you and lies. You should expect this. He will not tell you that eventually, your father's children will be required to care for their father. He will not tell you about the things, that if I typed out here, you would quickly skim past. He will not tell you that over time, your father will become completely dependent, and all traces of dignity will be washed away with yesterday's dishwater. He will not tell you.

Cancer works slowly; taking one thing at a time. It's not a drastic change. Slowly, he will slip away and what he once was will be only a memory, and in his place will be a man fighting for his life against cancer. You will turn your head so that he will not see you crying. You will hang up the phone before your mother can hear the tears. You will do your best to be strong and be there for your family that needs you. When you get alone, and its just you there in the dark, and you don't have to be strong anymore, that is when you will let lose.

You should expect a lot of, "I know how you feel" and "I'm sure he will be okay." At first, this will make you feel better, but after awhile it will begin to grate on your nerves. "He might not be okay," you will want to scream! He might not, or "How could you possibly know how I feel? Both of your parents are fine!" You will want to say these things, but you won't. Instead, you will smile and say thank you.

There may be times when you will question your beliefs and the existence of God. "Where are you," is what you will frequently ask yourself. How could this happen? He has served you his entire life, and this is how it ends? If this were a movie, you would say, "God, this movie really sucks!" Its like Meg Ryan dying at the end of City of Angels, its just not fair. Life is not fair, is what they say.

They also say that, "God has a plan." You will think, "Well, if this is God's plan, I sure do not understand it." Maybe we are not always meant to understand, but our human nature requires us to try to understand everything. You will spend a significant amount of time trying to figure out this "grand plan," and you will fail. In the end, all you will understand is that your Superman has cancer, and there is not a gall darn thing that you can do about it.