Maybe Cancer Does Discriminate

I've previously said that cancer does not discriminate. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe is finds a family that it likes and just says to itself, "We will destroy you." It took my Super Man, and now its attacking Super Man's brother. I want to be able to tell you that I took the news bravely with a strong face. I want to be able to tell you that I said, "Don't worry, we will beat this thing." I want to be able to tell you that... I cried and prayed...no I begged. I begged God, "Please don't take my other Super Man, please." What my father went through is enough; cancer can go find another family to torment.

Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

I was thinking about you this morning. I was thinking about the day that I got my driver's license. I remember I got in the car with the instructor and drove out to take the test. When I returned, you were standing at the door with another father. His daughter was taking the test as well. You had never met this man before; he was a stranger. I was walking behind the man's daughter. She approached you and he first. When she said that she had passed the test, you clapped your hand on his back, and were so genuinely happy that his daughter had passed. Then I approached and said taht I had passed as well. You were even more excited. I don't know why this memory stands out in my mind, but I believe that it speaks as to your true nature. You loved seeing others excel and reach their goals, even if they were a stanger. You loved people and wanted to see them succeed. I miss you dad, but I enjoy remembering these memories that speak to who you really were. I love you.

My Parents

One year ago today, I was home with my family because my father was dying. I am planning a trip home in August to see my family. I have not seen them since Dad died last May. I am looking forward to seeing them, as I miss them all so much. Still, the thought that dominates my mind is that this will be the first time in my life that I go home to visit, and my father is not there. I will drive up the hill and around the bend and see his name listed on the Church sign: "Pastor Thomas H. Jorden." I will see his car sitting in the parking lot of his church. I will see the porch overhang that he fell and broke his wrist building. I will see the security cameras that he installed to deter the local youth from vandilizing my brother's car. I could even call and hear my father's voice on the answering machine. I will walk in and see little peices of him throughout his home. He will not be there though. I won't hear, "Hey Wunkus!" I won't smell him there. I still catch myself saying, "I'm going to visit my parents in August," at times. I'm going to see my parents...

My father loved the Beatles. He is on my mind tonight. So, in his honor, I give you Let it Be

What the hell?

I still have a really hard time wrapping my head around this entire thing. I mean, what the hell? Have you ever watched, and I mean WATCHED, someone just waste away and die from brain cancer? Its not something you can just put behind you. That is something that sticks with a person. It effects you, and you don't even realize how much until you do not have anything to occupy your mind anymore. Suddenly, all the things that needed attending to are gone, and you have time to sit back and just wonder, "What the HELL was THAT all about?" Such a terrible ending, who wrote this freaking book, because they had a good thing going. The plot was pretty fantastic. Great love story, but whats up with the terrible ending? Did you run out of time? Were you in a freaking hurry? That's all that you could come up with, seriously? Its just like that movie City of Angels. Great plot, fantastic plot, in my opinion! You are SO excited when you think they are going to get to be together after all of that. She is rushing to the local market because she wants to show him what pears taste like. I mean, he was an angel, he fell from heaven to be with this woman. Happy ending, right? You would be wrong. She's not paying attention and SPLAT! Hit by a log truck, DEAD. It makes you ask, "What the HELL!?"

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday, Daddy. I was thinking about you a lot today. I was sitting in the car waiting for something, I can' remember what, and I was telling Sarah about "spidor," lol. I told her about how you had to splat him flat before he would stop trying to get you. It made her laugh. I hope your day was good. I miss you so much. I love you.

Love,

Your Wunkus

Dear Dad

It still knocks the breath out of me. It still feels like someone it ripping out my guts. How can he really be gone? This can't be real. Why won't someone just wake me up already. This can't be it. This can't be how it ends. Sometimes I feel like screaming, "Oh my god, just get a freaking grip," at myself! Other people's fathers might die, but mine doesn't. Does he? How can superman die? Do I seriously have to live the rest of my life without you? What am I suppose to do when I have questions? Who do I ask when I want to buy a new car or when I have a major decision to make. Who do I ask?

Do you know that I know what you meant when you told me to "grow old?" I think about that so much. If I could talk to you one last time, I would tell you that I know what you meant. I know that I was confused at the time and that frustrated you, but I know. I do know what you meant, and I want so badly to tell you. I asked God to let you know, but I'm not sure if it works that way. I'm not sure that he is a messenger service.

I am getting my Bachelor's degree. I have dreams and goals. I have a big vision for my life. I am going to live. I am going to have fun and relax. I am going to focus and get my career where going in the direction in which I want it to go. I am going to achieve the goals that I have set. I am going to "grow old."

I hope you know. It bothers me a lot. I miss you.

Love,

Your Wunkus