Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

I was thinking about you this morning. I was thinking about the day that I got my driver's license. I remember I got in the car with the instructor and drove out to take the test. When I returned, you were standing at the door with another father. His daughter was taking the test as well. You had never met this man before; he was a stranger. I was walking behind the man's daughter. She approached you and he first. When she said that she had passed the test, you clapped your hand on his back, and were so genuinely happy that his daughter had passed. Then I approached and said taht I had passed as well. You were even more excited. I don't know why this memory stands out in my mind, but I believe that it speaks as to your true nature. You loved seeing others excel and reach their goals, even if they were a stanger. You loved people and wanted to see them succeed. I miss you dad, but I enjoy remembering these memories that speak to who you really were. I love you.

Dear Dad

It still knocks the breath out of me. It still feels like someone it ripping out my guts. How can he really be gone? This can't be real. Why won't someone just wake me up already. This can't be it. This can't be how it ends. Sometimes I feel like screaming, "Oh my god, just get a freaking grip," at myself! Other people's fathers might die, but mine doesn't. Does he? How can superman die? Do I seriously have to live the rest of my life without you? What am I suppose to do when I have questions? Who do I ask when I want to buy a new car or when I have a major decision to make. Who do I ask?

Do you know that I know what you meant when you told me to "grow old?" I think about that so much. If I could talk to you one last time, I would tell you that I know what you meant. I know that I was confused at the time and that frustrated you, but I know. I do know what you meant, and I want so badly to tell you. I asked God to let you know, but I'm not sure if it works that way. I'm not sure that he is a messenger service.

I am getting my Bachelor's degree. I have dreams and goals. I have a big vision for my life. I am going to live. I am going to have fun and relax. I am going to focus and get my career where going in the direction in which I want it to go. I am going to achieve the goals that I have set. I am going to "grow old."

I hope you know. It bothers me a lot. I miss you.

Love,

Your Wunkus

Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

I feel like I should write on this blog, but I do not know what to say. What can I say that would not be redundant? I do not understand how people move past this. I mean, honestly, I really think that this is more than cruel. For you to just be gone...

I was standing outside the other night looking up at the moon. Remember that time when I was little and there was a lunar eclipse, and we setup the telescope and watched it together? Everything reminds me of you, even the moon.

Grief and morning are not good friends. They do not care how shitty they make you feel, and they more than over stay their welcome.

I miss you Dad.

Love,

Wunkus

Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

Well, I am back in Houston now. I know that there are people that didn't agree with my coming back here. Honestly though, I can't live my life based on what other people think that I should do. You never did. I am actively looking for a job, and I know that I will get a great one soon. I also started classed to finish my Bachelor's Degree last week. I have submitted my first papers, and I received 100's on both. I know you would be proud of me. I can't wait to get my degree so that I can get the job that I want. You have really inspired me to chase down my dreams daddy. I am not going to sit around and hope that what I want will just fall into my lap. I am going to go after it.

We are all doing okay. Don't worry about us; we are getting by. It still hurts, and I really feel that it always will, but we are not letting this stop us from living. That is how you would want it. I think about what you might be doing a lot. I wonder what you are doing or with whom you are speaking. I find myself staring up at the sky and just wondering sometimes.

I love you dad, and I think about you often. Never forget that.

Love,

Your Wunkus

Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

We had your memorial service yesterday. It was a surreal experience. I found myself walking around thinking, "This can't be real." You are not here though, so I know that it must be. I am still getting use to your being gone. I told Dave just before mom arrived that, "My parents will be here shortly." I still refer to my parents as plural. Its just so odd, Dad. I talk to you all of the time. I'm not sure if you can hear me or not. I like to think that you can though. I know you so well that I don't need you to physically speak to me in order to know how your end of the conversation would go.

It was a nice service, Dad. You would have been happy with it. Dave spoke the message, George gave the Eulogy and Dan gave the closing prayer. Everyone said things that you would have wanted said. Jaimie, Stephanie, and I all spoke about how great a father you were. I got through some of it without crying, but I was not able to make it though the whole thing. I know its okay to cry though. I told everyone about how you told me to grow old. I know at that time that confused me, but I want you to know that I understand what you meant by that now. I know you want me to keep living and fulfill my dreams and work towards my goals. I am going to do that. I start back to school to finish my Bachelor's Degree in Information Technology with a focus in Programming in a week. I have always wanted to program, and that is what I am going to do. Mom is going back to school as well. You would be so proud of her, Dad. I sure am!

There were a lot of people at your service on Saturday. People who I had never even met were coming up to me the either time telling me how much you had meant to them and touched their lives in some way. I was so proud to be your daughter.

Well, its getting pretty late. I am going to get going. I'll stay in touch with you. Don't ever wonder if I love you, because I do. I miss you Daddy.

Love,

Your Wunkus