Overwhelmed

I feel overwhelmed. Some days I feel like it's hard to breathe. This is a lot harder to deal with than I thought it would be. I have good days, although few and far between. Most nights I have dreams that cause me to wake up crying. They're not scary dreams. Mostly dreams about dad that make me remember how much I miss him. Dreams about my mom.

Sometimes I wonder, if my dad had been given a choice whether to stay here on earth or to go to heaven with Jesus, which he would have picked. I mean, I know he wanted to be in heaven with Jesus. But part of me thinks that he would have stayed here if he could have possibly known how much we miss him, how lost we feel now that he's not here.

When I'm making choices I find myself thinking "Daddy would know what to do." If he were still here, I'd ask him. But at the same time, I can hear what he would say to me. Maybe that's 26 years of experience with my dad speaking.